I can't believe that we've made it here. It's surreal to think about. I'm not sure what to write, other than the fair-weathered knob of faith I was white-knuckling to stay afloat before my mission has been chiseled into a secure foot-hold. One that I can fall back on, and hold myself up with, even when the wind gets rigid, and the world grows cold. I now can say, independent of other sources or persons I could sight, and without artificial strains in my voice that I believe in a God in Heaven. I believe that He loves His children with a love incomprehensible. And the reason I say incomprehensible is because it is super hard for mortal minds to understand. We don't think the way God does, and He lets us do things that hurt and stretch and tear us down and make us crumble. Because He loves us, and the key of true love is being mindful of the ultimate goal, and the ultimate vista we all are striving to summit; Eternal life. God is a God, and God knows what it takes to be happy, because he is God. And he wants us to be happy, so He loves us enough to allow stuff to happen that will make us happy in Eternity. Simple I guess.
The next time I write, I'll be right after talking off to the airport to pick up my wonderful parents, who have been angels to me through this experience. I wouldn't have traded it for anything else. And at the end of it, after an accumulation of days and months and years, of seeing things and feeling things and experiencing things and going places I'd never thought I'd travel mentally and spiritually, and walking at times, seemingly through the heart of Hell itself, and summiting at times, glorious vistas that pierce through the veil between Earth and Heaven; I've come to some kind of realization, that God exists, and He loves us. And he does want us to be happy.
There is a strange feeling: It's not the product of power-positive thinking, it's not a humanistic apparition of something that doesn't exist. It's not a chemical reaction within our flesh of the human mind conjuring up a fictitious reality and disposition; it’s the spirit of God, and it's real, and nothing on Earth can create the feeling of the Spirit. It’s God-evoked, and it cannot be faked. It can be misinterpretation and misunderstood, but it cannot be forged by any natural reaction of an aching brain, but it is from God. And I believe that. And that's why I believe. Because I FEEL stuff sometimes that all the intellect under heaven can't explain. And it's real.
I love you guys. I'll write one more email next week. I look forward to sprinting through this last week, and continuing to see the miracles like perhaps I never will again in my life. The best kind of miracles. Love you.
Tanner Noah Clegg